Relationship Goals

Love never fails...(1 Corinthians 13:14)

Last month I had a really cool opportunity. One of our church members is the activities director at a nearby retirement community, and she asked if I would officiate a vow renewal ceremony. Five couples assembled in a lovely courtyard in front of a fountain, as about 25 family members and other residents gathered to witness the renewal of their marriage vows.

Before the ceremony, the couples gathered in the hallway leading to the courtyard. Even though they had all been married well over 50 years, they were giddy with excitement as they processed to the fountain. When we reached the part of the ceremony where they renewed their vows, I went to each couple individually, had them look each other in the eye and repeat after me:

I, (Fred, etc.), embrace you, (Diana, etc.), as a gift from the hand of God;

and I reaffirm my promise,

before God and these witnesses,

to be your loving and faithful husband (wife);

in plenty and in want,

in joy and in sorrow,

in sickness and in health,

so long as we both shall live.

It was a beautiful thing to see grown men and women choke up and their eyes well up with tears, even after 50, 60, or more years of marriage. What a joyful evening it was! Of course, it was over at 7:30 – can't let something like a vow renewal ceremony make them late for bed...

I left the evening uplifted, encouraged, and hopeful. I thought to myself, “I want Carol and me to be that way in our 80s.”

Later on realized that I didn't need to attend a vow renewal like that in order for me to be inspired; I have my own parents and Carol's parents to serve as wonderful “relationship goals” for our marriage. In fact, as I post this on my blog, it is my parents' 60^th anniversary.

Happy Anniversary, 

Sidney and Kaye!

60 years. What an amazing example of steadfast, persevering love. 

Carol's parents are about to celebrate 62 years of marriage.

I am, truly, inspired.

As I think about the secret to longevity in marriage, my mind immediately focuses on love. (If you know me, you will know that love is pretty much the secret to everything!) But the kind of love that will fuel a marriage through the years is more than a warm, mushy feeling inside you. The kind of love that marriage requires that self-interest diminish, and the welfare of the other increase. Paul describes this kind of love in his words found in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...

I think about the people who have been married for so many years (like my parents, Carol's parents, and the folks at the retirement community). I realize that they have gone through seasons of great happiness; but they have also faced tremendous challenges together that were anything but happy. They have had to forgive, and ask for forgiveness. They have been rich, poor, sick, and healthy. They have made sacrifices for their spouse and family.

And through it all, love. In Colossians, Paul lists a number of noble character traits that followers of Christ should manifest in our lives. You know, things like compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, forgiveness, patience. Words that most of us would want to be used in describing ourselves. After listing these noble character traits, Paul says this: “And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)

All this, to say that if we want to reach relationship goals like my parents, we have to love. I am forever grateful to my parents for demonstrating this to me, every day.

Love. It really is that simple.

Not easy. But simple. And mandatory.

Now these three remain: Faith, hope, and love.

And the greatest of these, is love.*

*Paul's words, not mine. But I wholeheartedly agree with Paul on this one!