A Very Dark Night

 

A Very Dark Night... (Mark 14:12-72)

“Jesus said, ‘All of you will run away and leave me.’” (Mark 14:27)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It is nearly dawn, the darkest time of the night. The rooster has just crowed. I find myself shivering, alone in the darkness. It is not the cold that makes me shiver; it is fear. And shame. I have abandoned my Lord.

* * * * *

...The day began with Jesus sending us to make preparations for the Passover meal. Jesus told us that we would meet someone who would open his large upstairs room where all of us could gather for the meal.

In the evening we were all there in the upstairs room with Jesus. We were sitting and reclining around the table that had been set for our observance of the Passover: unleavened bread, wine, bitter herbs, lamb. But instead of a joyful mood celebrating God’s deliverance of his people from Egyptian slavery, the evening was somber. Jesus was very serious. In the middle of the meal he spoke up. “One of you will betray me.”

We were stunned and confused. What did he mean? Who among us would possibly betray us? “Surely, Jesus, it isn’t I, is it?” 

Jesus continued. “It will be one of you twelve, a chosen friend and disciple, who will betray me. The betrayal will be in fulfillment of the Scriptures that say that the Son of Man will die; but woe to the one who will betray the Son of Man! He’ll wish he had never been born!” 

A sense of darkness began to fill the room.

While we were eating, Jesus spoke again. We thought he was going to talk about the unleavened bread because the first Passover took place so quickly, and the blood of the lamb that saved the Israelites from the spirit of death in the day of Moses. Instead, Jesus referred to the bread as his body, and the cup as his blood, shed as the seal of God’s covenant. It’s as if Jesus thought he was about to die, and that his death was necessary for the fulfillment some divine plan of God.

Darkness continued to fill the room as we finished our meal in silence. After the meal we sang a psalm, but it didn’t do anything to lift our spirits. As we were leaving the room, Jesus looked at all of us and said, “All of you will run away and leave me, for the scripture says, ‘God will kill the shepherd, and the sheep will all be scattered.’ But after I am raised to life, I will go to Galilee ahead of you.” Again, we were bewildered at Jesus’ words. Why would any of us turn our backs on Jesus? Peter was so bold as to claim that, even if everyone else were to run away, he would never abandon Jesus. Jesus just looked at Peter with sadness and said, “Oh Peter, Peter my friend. Before the rooster crows twice tonight, you will disavow that you know me three times.”

We continued to a place called Gethsemane. Jesus told us to sit and pray, while he took Peter, James, and John with him a little farther into the garden. I watched Jesus praying from afar. I couldn’t hear what he said, but I could tell that he was struggling, filled with anguish. He was praying for so long that the others fell asleep.

Just as Jesus and the others returned to where he had told us to stay and pray, a crowd of people armed with swords and clubs showed up. I saw people I recognized – people who worked for the chief priests, the teachers of the Law, and the elders. And Judas Iscariot was with them. He came up to Jesus and greeted him with a kiss. “Hello, Teacher,” he said. And at that moment, the crowd seized Jesus. Fighting broke out, and someone in our group cut off the ear of the High Priest’s slave.

Jesus spoke. “Am I an outlaw, that you come to arrest me with clubs and swords? You had chances to arrest me every day when I was teaching in the Temple. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled.”

That’s when all of Jesus’ disciples ran away. And I ran away, too. We all ran away from Jesus.

Jesus was taken to the High Priest’s house. I could see Peter off in the shadows. I was watching from afar. I didn’t have to come near, because the people were shouting at the top of their voices, making accusations against Jesus. I could tell that they were looking for a reason to convict him of some crime. At one point the High Priest asked Jesus directly, “Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed God?”

Jesus said, “I am, and you will all see the Son of Man seated at the right side of the Almighty and coming with the clouds of heaven!”

At that point, the High Priest and his cronies had had enough. “Blasphemy!,” they shouted. They agreed that Jesus must die. Then they started beating Jesus and spitting on him.

While the farce of a trial was going on inside, I saw Peter talking animatedly to a young woman in the courtyard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I heard him say. That’s when the rooster crowed…

* * * * *

The darkness of the night is eclipsed only by the darkness of my soul. I am ashamed that my walk with Jesus turned into a running from Jesus at the first sign of trouble. Judas wasn’t the only one who betrayed Jesus. Peter wasn’t the only one who denied knowing Jesus. I cannot point my finger at either of them and claim to be righteous because I, too, have failed miserably. After all that Jesus had done, after three years of companionship with Jesus, I turned my back on him when he needed me most.

And yet, the more I think about everything that has transpired during this terrible night, my shame at my own sense of failure is overshadowed by my awe at Jesus’ determination to fulfill his Father’s purpose. At any moment in the night, Jesus could’ve done something differently so as to avoid being arrested. But he didn’t. It’s as if he knew exactly where the crowd of thugs would be, and he deliberately went there to meet them. Even knowing how he would be falsely accused, beaten, and spat upon, Jesus walked right into the hands of those evil people. 

It’s as if this is exactly what his Father told him to do.

Dear Jesus, I am ashamed at the ways I turn away from you. Forgive me. Please, forgive me. And yet, I know that even my failure won’t stop you from fulfilling the purpose your Father has given to you. I am weak, but you are strong. Amen.