#AllinforWilkins!

“Love one another as I have loved you.” - JesusJohn 15:12

Full disclosure: This is a parental pride post. Please indulge me.

So, our son Stuart got married the other day, to his fiance Kate.

I'm going to write that sentence again, so you can see the delight and excitement that has filled Carol and me:

So, our son Stuart got married the other day, to his fiance Kate!!! (Insert about a million smiley-faced emojis 😊😊😊 here!)

I didn't officiate the wedding; it was my distinct privilege to be the father of the groom, and I didn't want to give up that privilege. Besides, if I had officiated, it would've taken all I had to resist doing this (turn up the volume): 

So Stuart and Kate got married, and I got to be the father of the groom.

After a week of nail-biting to see what Hurricane Irma was going to do (the wedding was in Charleston, SC – one of the preliminary paths forecasted for Irma) and then to assess the flood damage that Irma's remnants did to our wedding and reception venues (thank goodness, all was dry and clean by the end of the week), we had a wonderful celebration for Stuart and Kate.

I think every parent wants to see their parenting bear fruit in their children. Certainly Carol and I, as well as Kathy and Stan (Kate's parents) were beaming with pride as we witnessed the love that Stuart and Kate professed for one another, as well as their maturity as they affirmed their commitment to each other.

As is often the case in weddings nowadays, there was a fun theme running through the weekend celebrations. Stuart and Kate are both graduates of Clemson University, and they are avowed fans of all things Clemson. In fact, they waited as long as they could before setting the date, because they didn't want to have to compete with a Clemson home game.

As a tribute to their Clemson roots, they created a social media hashtag for the weekend: #allinforwilkins. “All in” is the rallying cry for the football team that was instituted by head coach Dabo Swinney. They even had a friend design a koozie with a New Mexico / South Carolina emblem (they live in NM, but are from SC), and the hashtag, #allinforwilkins.

All in. It is a simple two-word phrase, but it denotes 100% commitment. Coach Swinney expects it of every person associated with the football program, and he asks the students and alumni and fans to be “all in” for the team. All in. It's an attitude that has played a major role in the spirit and success of the national championship football program.

But alas, I stray. Back to the wedding. Where was I?

Oh yeah: All in. #allinforwilkins. Truly, everyone who attended the wedding and festivities were all in for Stuart and Kate. And of course Stuart and Kate are all in for each other.

“All in,” it turns out, is a perfect theme for a marriage. Because in marriage husband and wife declare their unconditional love for one another, and they promise their undying commitment to one another and to their family. All in.

Jesus told his disciples, “Love one another as I have loved you.” In fact, he said that to his disciples twice on the last night he was with his disciples. The second time Jesus said it (John 15:12), he follows the command with this observation: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” Sounds like an all-in kind of love that Jesus commands of us, doesn't it?

Marriage is an all-in proposition. Husband and wife giving themselves for the sake of the other, and for their family. All in...

...The other day, a church member was reflecting on being married for 52 years. She said, “Marriage doesn't take two; it takes three.” What she meant was, for marriage to be as abundantly blessed as God intends it to be, it takes husband, and wife, and Jesus. Marriage takes three.

I agree. So just as husband and wife need to be all in for each other, so should their life together be lived all in for Jesus. Marriage is not just for the benefit of the husband, wife, and family; it is also for the glory of God.

All in. I'd say it's a winning formula – for Clemson football, for life, for marriage, for faith. All in is win-win.

Photo credit: David Wilkins

#allinforwilkins!

Relationship Goals

Love never fails...(1 Corinthians 13:14)

Last month I had a really cool opportunity. One of our church members is the activities director at a nearby retirement community, and she asked if I would officiate a vow renewal ceremony. Five couples assembled in a lovely courtyard in front of a fountain, as about 25 family members and other residents gathered to witness the renewal of their marriage vows.

Before the ceremony, the couples gathered in the hallway leading to the courtyard. Even though they had all been married well over 50 years, they were giddy with excitement as they processed to the fountain. When we reached the part of the ceremony where they renewed their vows, I went to each couple individually, had them look each other in the eye and repeat after me:

I, (Fred, etc.), embrace you, (Diana, etc.), as a gift from the hand of God;

and I reaffirm my promise,

before God and these witnesses,

to be your loving and faithful husband (wife);

in plenty and in want,

in joy and in sorrow,

in sickness and in health,

so long as we both shall live.

It was a beautiful thing to see grown men and women choke up and their eyes well up with tears, even after 50, 60, or more years of marriage. What a joyful evening it was! Of course, it was over at 7:30 – can't let something like a vow renewal ceremony make them late for bed...

I left the evening uplifted, encouraged, and hopeful. I thought to myself, “I want Carol and me to be that way in our 80s.”

Later on realized that I didn't need to attend a vow renewal like that in order for me to be inspired; I have my own parents and Carol's parents to serve as wonderful “relationship goals” for our marriage. In fact, as I post this on my blog, it is my parents' 60^th anniversary.

Happy Anniversary, 

Sidney and Kaye!

60 years. What an amazing example of steadfast, persevering love. 

Carol's parents are about to celebrate 62 years of marriage.

I am, truly, inspired.

As I think about the secret to longevity in marriage, my mind immediately focuses on love. (If you know me, you will know that love is pretty much the secret to everything!) But the kind of love that will fuel a marriage through the years is more than a warm, mushy feeling inside you. The kind of love that marriage requires that self-interest diminish, and the welfare of the other increase. Paul describes this kind of love in his words found in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...

I think about the people who have been married for so many years (like my parents, Carol's parents, and the folks at the retirement community). I realize that they have gone through seasons of great happiness; but they have also faced tremendous challenges together that were anything but happy. They have had to forgive, and ask for forgiveness. They have been rich, poor, sick, and healthy. They have made sacrifices for their spouse and family.

And through it all, love. In Colossians, Paul lists a number of noble character traits that followers of Christ should manifest in our lives. You know, things like compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, forgiveness, patience. Words that most of us would want to be used in describing ourselves. After listing these noble character traits, Paul says this: “And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)

All this, to say that if we want to reach relationship goals like my parents, we have to love. I am forever grateful to my parents for demonstrating this to me, every day.

Love. It really is that simple.

Not easy. But simple. And mandatory.

Now these three remain: Faith, hope, and love.

And the greatest of these, is love.*

*Paul's words, not mine. But I wholeheartedly agree with Paul on this one!